Undertaker's Daughter

My life and death as spiritual path.

Location: River City, Northern California

Saturday, May 14, 2005

My Promise to My Angel

Well, this was my promise to my angel and you don't rat on those. I will post in my blog at the very least every other day. It can be quotes I find interesting, it can be musings, it can be-- pause for laughter-- wisdom.
Not so much of that coming down the pike lately.

But, he said, and I believe him, since I am isolated enough to be an anchorite it would be a waste of celestial time and effort not to act like one. My praying is -- I'm afraid-- rather lame lately-- I can at least practise some Lectio Divina.

And-- no more than 30% max of whining. Which is all I really want to do.

My teeth are crumbling-- bad choices in dealing with serious dry mouth earlier in my condition-- there's the whining for today-- oh, not quite, I have allergies to the usual novcaines, all of them, and can't take them without major panic attacks and elevated heart beats. In effect, they turn into cocaine in my system, mostly on my right side, the left side can tolerate the drug better. My choice this week was whether to see my doctor for rectal bleeding [probably not pre-cancerous] or my dentist for prospective abcesses. I decided to make an appointment with my lawyer instead.

Whine over.

I'm sorry that my invisible and probably imaginary readers are going to now dwindle to nothing, but this was originally meant as a religious exercise to keep me alive, so my apologies for boring you and grossing you out but -- there it is.

I almost gave up fractalling yesterday because I went to some galleries.Not only that but one half of Fracternity is PrairieGirl and her photography is so stunning I want to cry.

I mean, in view of these utter beauties that push the envelope, does the world really require more of my lame fractals? I doubt it. But I also doubt my own ability to judge my recent work. It isn't up to my standard but it isn't total crap yet either-- I hope. I'm including a couple of examples after this thread to give you a chance to judge. The second one even goes into Wavy Gravy territory which I consider beyond the pale-- well, you know, we all go beyond the pale once in awhile, don't we?

The quote for the day comes from A Thousand Paths to Happiness. I, of course managed to pick one that is not all that happy. We live where we are, not where we wish to be.

"The more you have in this life, the greater your chances of losing something."

They don't attribute the quote. I would like to add this cheery touch-- it is very very difficult, if not impossible, to reach the point where there is really nothing left to lose. It would seem as if the Divine Housekeepers have microscopic vision for that one thing left you had forgotten you had and now-- have no longer. Happy yet??

Here's another: " Happiness isn't won-- it's deserved."

Crap! Happiness is deserved just as often as Grace. We are not talking about a contest or a Win/Loss situation. Happiness is perceived. It is a kind of art involving surrender and trust to be able to perceive it because it can come in such small traces, but unlike almost anything else in this world except Love-- Happiness does not need quantity to be valued. It needs only existence and a keen appreciative perception.

You don't win it or earn it. You can, however, create it, almost out of nothing. You never get it just sitting around waiting to be blessed with it.

No, wait a minute, you do, but happiness received that way is useless unless you can reach out and see it and accept it. Your participation, which need not be heroic or monumental, is, however, necessary. It's kinda like Divine forgiveness. You've got it, but if you don't know you have it, and will always have it, what good is it?

I have had some happiness today. It was sweet like the trace of sugar in a bitter herb, or the swiftly fading scent of lilacs.

Happiness does not last, it was not meant to, all of its meaning is wrapped up in existence itself. The present moment is all it has.

All any of us have.


Blogger Prairie Girl said...

Hey -- just doin' a last cruise before vacation. Please keep that promise to your angel Em. I love hearing what you have to say. Ahh, "the swiftly fading scent of lilacs" -- what beautiful sensuous imagery.

I'll hang in if you do, 'kay? See ya in 2 weeks.

-- Prairie Girl

12:56 PM  

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